Do you ever look at your life and wonder what the heck you’re up to?
I’ve been doing that a lot lately.
I mean, overall I think life is good – but every so often reality raises its ugly head and looks you in the eye, and then what are you supposed to do? These last few weeks have been a little introspective for me; perhaps Grandpa’s passing spurred it, or maybe it was just time.
What is the point? Of life, I mean? We’ve definitely made some interesting choices. Choices that in a lot of ways have cost us a lot, and in other ways have given us much. But sometimes I wonder where we would be if different choices had been made.
If we didn’t own the store, would we still be working over 100 hours a week, barely meeting our own bills, dealing with each emergency expense by the seat of our pants? Would we (one or both) have a “real” job, a steady income, benefits, a less insane work schedule – or would we now be laid off with nothing?
Sometimes I feel like I’m swimming backwards. When do we start to stand on our own two feet? Right now, without parents to help with the bills, we’d be screwed. That’s not a cool place to be. How will this affect our retirement, and our lives down the road? What would God have us do, if indeed there is a path we are to walk? When does life on the edge become obscene instead of adventure, irresponsible instead of hopeful? How can we possibly make a valiant effort to live within our means when our means are almost non-existent and change every month? When do we look at life and say “it’s not working, we have to figure something else out?”
Why do I care all of a sudden? Are we doing what we’re supposed to do, or are we just doing because we don’t know what else to do?